Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Real & Chance Legend Hunters. Yes, you read that right.

Real & Chance: Legend Hunters premieres Sunday, September 19 at 9 PM
Man has always been fascinated with Nature’s Animal Tales. Some are real: the man-eating Catfish of the Kali River, the Mega Shark, Hogzilla, Super Crocs, and the Giant Squid. Some may be only myth: Bigfoot, the chupacabra, the Loch Ness Monster and the Yeti. But two men believe in the stories and they intend to find them all. Their names: Real and Chance. That’s right, Real and Chance: Lovers, horse-breeders, recording artists, Stallionaires. Neither of them are scientists, nor investigators. And despite their claims to the contrary, they’re no outdoorsmen either. They’re scared of bugs, bats, frogs and almost anything that slithers or crawls. They can’t take a fish off a hook because slimy things scare them. But they are believers and by the end of the show, they may even make believers out of you.

Ed Note: Janice Dickinson will be on Celebrity rehab this season, everyone else is lame.

I might have to watch this season of Dancing with the Stars

It's something I swore I'd never do, but how can you not watch it with this cast of "celebrities?"

Bristol Palin: Do you really think you're famous? One little stint on Secret Life of The American Teenager doesn't make you famous honey.

The Hoff: we saw a sample of your dance moves on the roast of you, so don't hope on making it past the first couple of weeks.

Florence Henderson: you were only asked because Betty White turned the show down and you are the next oldest celebrity they could find.

The Situation: Good luck man, hope you don't get stuck with a grenade for a partner!

Margaret Cho: I love you! Please don't stoop to D-List status. I feel bad for not watching your VH1 show when you had it, and now you are forced to do this for a paycheck.

Monday, August 30, 2010


The circus is on point. Why the fuck do you feel the need to show small children pictures of bloody and dead elephants. All those families were just trying to have a nice day out. Why you gotta go ruin it. The circus has veterinary guidelines they follow!!! And isn't it weird that circus elephants tend to live longer then wild elephants!!! Maybe it has something to do with how they're treated. They're treated better then most kids I know.
AND an extra shout out to that brunette bitch in her suede puma's and her leather purse who called me a cracked out whore, you're a hypocrite with a fat ass. Fuck yourself and the extremist bullshit you try to stand for. Nice try, I hope you get hit by a car while your husband is cheating on you.
Biz and Liz

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Redneck Jersey Shore

The producer of "Jersey Shore" is teaming with Comedy Central for her next partygoing reality show. Sally Ann Salsano's 495 Prods. is shooting footage for a proposed series billed as a more comedic, Southern version of her "Jersey" format. The project's initial blind-casting notice, which included the promising working title "Party Down South," created a stir online a couple of months ago among fans of the MTV hit. Network sources said Salsano and the channel's executives realized that "Jersey" is only a couple of edits from being a flat-out comedy. They cautioned, however, that the intention isn't to do a stereotypical hick show. With the project at an early stage, the network isn't ready to comment officially. Programing executives soon will decide whether to continue, which could mean a direct-to-series order.

Hey lady, your hair makes me hungry!

A Guide To Where The Cool Kids Are

When you jet to a hipster haven like Seattle, you don’t just want to visit the tourist traps. But how to find the best thrift shops and indie stores on unfamiliar terrain? These are your resources for finding the fair trade cafes, the cheapest indie music clubs, and the best vegan and organic foods. Bonus? Special maps to help you get around by foot and public

People still liike Boyz II Men?

In honor of their 20th year on Valentine's Day, Boyz II Men are headlining a "Love Cruise,” and tickets just went on sale to the public. The ship sets sail on Feb 11th from Miami to Nassau and back, returning on Valentine's Day. I think I need to go. I want the guy with the deep voice to marry Beni and I while Cooleyhighharmony plays in the background of the love ship. There is a freaking formal prom night!!! Ahhhhhh.
ALL Boyz II Men Cruise Passengers will receive:
  • Boyz II Men Welcome Cocktail Party
  • Concert performance by Boyz II Men
  • Additional Fan Appreciation Concert by Boyz II Men
  • Special Ceremony - Renew Your Wedding Vows Onboard with Boyz II Men
  • Singles Mixer with Boyz II Men
  • Photo Session with Boyz II Men in small groups
  • Question & Answer Session with Boyz II Men
  • Formal Prom Night
  • Poker Tournament
  • Deck Party with Boyz II Men & Guest DJ
  • Gift Bag
  • Other onboard drawings for exclusive Boyz II Men Event Opportunities!
  • Full Access to all of Carnival's activities and facilities!
  • VIP Concierge at your service!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

bet ya didn't know I have my own band of boys

And yes, they are a real band. I found this you tube video, but it looks like they're more into gay 90's dancing then anything else. Pretty awesome.

A Candelabra

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Saturday, August 14, 2010

mmmm cheese

Dear Middle Aged Women...

You have to be 18 years old to legally get a tattoo. So why in God's name did you think that a Looney Toons tattoo on your leg, or a Tinkerbell on your ass was a good idea? I mean come on ladies, it's not cute in a XXL T-shirt and its not cute on your wrinkly-ass skin either. So maybe you should save some money and go get that shit removed!

Why Biz and Liz need to learn how to sew...


This is MY new favorite website.
check mine out too.


Here's a new website I have decided I love! Check it out!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Meet Deena!

The newest hot mess arrives! Deena the newest addition to the Jersey Shore cast. I'm guessing this girls got a lot more substance abuse problems then the ho-hum Angelina she replaced.

I would just like to say welcome to the blog, Deena. I'm sure this won't be the last time we blog about you, so beware. You're one Jager-bomb away from feeling the wrath of Biz and Liz!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Dear Chris Brown...

Hey Chris,

I know it's been a while since I've seen you due to the whole "Beating up your girlfriend thing," but what the hell happened to you?

I mean, really Chris? What's up with the hair? Can't you just cut it they way it used to be? And the necklace? Parents have already boycotted you due to your bad boy image, and no ugly diamond encrusted Pokemon necklace is going to change their opinion.

I can get past the whole Rihanna thing, after all, her career skyrocketed after you smashed her face in, but can't you just start acting and dressing they way you used to? Pretty please?



Saturday, August 7, 2010

Liz, we're going to the theater. Get your fur coat ready

My moms friend just went to a theater in Seattle to watch a play called "Pageant Play" she says it's a movie about crazy pageant moms and is apparently hilarious!!! I think we should go. This is the info I found online.

Seattle Premiere
Pageant Play
by Matthew Wilkas and Mark Setlock

Set in the exotic world of Texas beauty pageants for 7 year olds and under, Pageant Play sets two pageant mothers in deadly contest while their daughters Chevrolet and Puddle (portrayed by pageant dresses) strut their stuff and coaches Bob and Bobby plan the perfect pageant pirouettes for their preteen charges. Add a touch of felony, and you can smell the West Texas dust.
Directed by
Kerry Christianson
Performance Dates and Times
July 16 - August 14, 2010
Fridays and Saturdays at 8:00 pm
Ticket Prices
General: $18 in advance, $21 at the door.
Students/Seniors: $15 in advance, $18 at the door

Friday, August 6, 2010

Something for the kids

Choice TV: Reality Show

The Hills
Jersey Shore
Keeping Up with the Kardashians
The Price of Beauty
Taking The Stage
Seriously, the Teen Choice Awards? I can't wait for my kids to turn 13 so they can get in on this incredibly 'teen oriented' show. By then I'm sure it will have gotten even worse, urg. How did this show even get nominated? These drunken assholes are the worst role models I could ever imagine for a teenager. It makes me want to punch all the 15 year olds, 28 year old parents for getting knocked up in high school having no idea how to raise a civilized child. Fuck off, and learn how to parent your kids.
For the record, I love Jersey Shore and all that goes with it; fighting, promiscuity, slutty clothes, binge drinking, etc... But, I am 26, its allowed. I wonder who was nominated for Best Celebrity Mistress? My 16 year old sister and her friends are hoping it's Michelle "bombshell" McGee.
Oh and Liz, can you ask Ellery what happened on last weeks Bad Girls Club, I missed it. Kidding.

Thank god for Japan, otherwise I would have no idea what happened to Lindsey

Which do you prefer?

Curly hair with a stupid outfit, or straight hair with a stupid outfit?

Thursday, August 5, 2010


New website I enjoy; here's a few examples....

Dear Mr. Matthews,
Please stop coming to my fence and asking for advice. We all have our problems like me wanting to water my plants in peace.

Sincerely, Mr. Feeny

Dear Kids on my Street (And their ignorant parents),
Please get out of the street. Don't stare at me and expect me to drive around your basketball game to get home. The road is for cars. Next time, you'll be under mine.
Sincerely, I will mow down the little fuckers

Dear Walmart,
Please keep holding all of the incest children, druggies, rednecks, and fat people within your walls. I'll be over at Target. Thanks!

Sincerely, Civilized People

The Roast Happened.....

Last night, comedy central just might have filmed the best two hours of TV ever! On August 17th, I will know for sure. I read some of the jokes online, but I had to stop myself so that I could be surprised.

Um, wait a second, do I sense another theme party coming on?

Beni and Tascar as little kids...

Does anyone want to eat one o these more than me?

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Happy Birthday to Liz!

Maybe Snooki wouldn't have gotten arrested if she atttended our Jerseylicious party instead of passing out in the sand!