Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Beni's Beer Review

Beni claims Hell or High Watermelon is the beer of summer 2010. So I decided to interview him.

Bailee: What do you like about Hell or High Watermelon?
Beni: It was made by black people. It's not really.
Maybe it was made for black people... And I'm black.... Kind of.
Bailee: Okay, so does it really taste like watermelon?
Beni: A little bit. It just tastes good.
Bailee: Where can you find Hell or High Watermelon?
Beni: Maybe QFC? I don't know? (looks at phone)
Bailee: Haven't we gotten it at a bar before?
Beni: Okay whatever, I don't know? (texting on phone)
Bailee: What about that one bar that begins with an A, aaaa, aaalllllll, alllllliiiiigggg.
Beni: Yeah yeah, Alligator soul, that's what I'm saying. (puts phone away)
Bailee: Any final words about Hell or High Watermelon?
Beni: Like, Jerry Springer's final thought?
Bailee: Sure.
Beni: It's good when you drink it.

So, in wrapping up my first ever interview, I have learned my boyfriend thinks beer is good, stereotypes black people, and can not multitask.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I need my bar before Halloween!!!!!!

Printable check-list, I love you.

Well, these days I can't remember shit unless I write it down on a post-it, put it on my calendar, and set myself a phone alarm reminder. Its retarded. Now, I have another new way to remember things, and its even better because I LOVE check lists!! You can make your own at http://printablechecklist.org/ Just keep it bookmarked on your toolbar and when you need to make a checklist it's right there. Print it out, put it in your purse and check it off.

I love old people

Another reason I love graffiti

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Hopefully Bizo sees this first on her road trip

New website I love


Playboy vs. Playgirl

Vinny is reportedly posing for Playgirl magazine and is receiving $30,000 and a portion of the proceeds to bare all. JWOWW on the other hand is currently talking to Playboy for her own chance in the magazine with a $4000,000 paycheck in the works.

The question is, who would you rather see naked? I am undecided at this point.

I think I found next years costume already!

I'm just saying that this could be me in a couple of years

AP - Police said the mother of an elementary school student drank a 40 ounce bottle of malt liquor before brandishing a sword in her child's school. The woman, 32, apparently intended to confront the parents of another child who had been in a spitting match with her child the previous day. According to court records, an employee at Riverview Elementary School in Memphis reported a drunk woman armed with a sword was running through the halls of the school and had threatened to cut her.

Officers who arrived on the scene retrieved a black cane that concealed the blade.

The woman charged with aggravated assault and having a weapon on school property.

It's that time again, searching for Halloween costumes

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

reason #2 why we need Playboy

A reality show about strippers!!! Seriously, this is probably soooooo good.

This makes me happy

Sorry, I'm so retarded. I can't help it.

How I plan on decorating my spare roon

Liz, I found this for your mom...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Dear Beyonce, I fucking love you!!!!

Beyonce is planning to kick it up a notch as she prepares to hit the studio to record her fourth album. Songwriter-producer Sean Garrett, who's previously teamed with B for tracks like 'Video Phone,' 'Get Me Bodied,' and 'Upgrade U,' tells PopEater that the party album will be bigger than anything she's previously created.
"It's going to be her biggest album ever," Garrett says. "We're going to take it to a whole other level."
Also, Jay-Z and Beyonce have the distinction of being the “Highest Earning Power Couple” in the 2011 edition of the Guinness Book. They raked in “combined [earnings] of $122 million through June 2009.”

my favorite 'Texts From Last Night'


508: I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.

506: All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other

406: I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life

631: ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night

917: And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

864: no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

206: I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.

240: He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?

978: Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

206: I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.

703: Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.

773: After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.

A bartenders least favorite type of customer

1. People who snap their fingers – Nothing says please ignore me, I’m a jackass and will likely be a stingy, whiny, pompous jerk when you finally do come over here like someone snapping their fingers.

2. The guy at the bar who thinks he’s the only one who needs a drink – There’s 25 people all waiting to get a drink and all this guy can do is keep yelling out “I need a drink down here!”

3. People who order Amstel Light – You can’t be serious.

4. The guy who orders one drink followed by 6 waters and a napkin – There are people climbing on the ceiling to get another drink and then there’s this guy taking up two seats at the bar—one for himself, the other for all his damn napkins and water glasses.

5. People who don’t have the money ready. – It’s like showing up to a sorority formal without an industrial-size box of condoms—mistakes will be made and consequences will follow.

6. Whiny girls who order twenty cosmos and tip a dollar. – Sorry sweetie. Not even your boyfriend is willing to put up with that kind of treatment without a little payment.

Saturday, September 18, 2010


BBW Clubwear

This website makes me feel a lot better about myself. P.S. The vinyl blue dress was in the "formal" dresses category.

The hot master chef guy used to be a fatty

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

My favorite artist

My parents used to have this one when I was younger

If you ever see any Patrick Nagel art while out at a thrift store or garage sale it is my favorite and I will pay you back. It reminds me of 1984 and I like it.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I was searching online for a suit to get Beni...

And then I stumbled across these photos, and... uh... mmmm... what was I saying?