Monday, June 29, 2009
Posted by Bizo at 12:11 PM
Give me your bathing suit bitch!!!
Lindsey had some kind of pool party last weekend, and this was one of several suits she wore. Well, I need it!! I love the color, cut, and the fact that the bottoms look like they would totally be covering my love handles! Ahhh, I need it, plus it would look way better on me then her gross freckle body.
Posted by Bizo at 12:07 PM
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Barbie and ken a looking a little flabby lately? Then put them into their work out outfits and watch the fat melt away!
Really? I feel sorry for this kid who's mom thinks this is cool. Apparently the 6 dollar barbie outfits you buy at Target are way to spendy. Not to mention it is no longer 1982 anymore and I don't need my barbie and ken looking like Olivia Newton John!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I hate when people speak to their kids in baby talk. It’s annoying. Then people wonder why their kids turn out to be mental midgets with no social grace and an inability to function in the real world. It’s because when they were young the dipshit parents were saying, “Ohh, did you make a poopsy whoopsy?” or “We yum yum cum cum in our tum tum.” I want to walk over to those people, backhand them, take their babies away, and say, “You are an asshole. You do not deserve that baby.” And then I will walk away, baby under my arm, and I’ll go down to the river, down to the river we ride, and I’ll yell to the bushes, “Hey, junkies! Who wants a baby? I’ll give you $20 to take this baby.” I’ll stand there until all the eager junkies get into a single-file line and I will inspect them one by one until I find the absolute most shot-out one and I will say, “You. You will teach this baby the ways of this world.” And I’ll hand the child off to the fiend. He’ll ask where his $20 is and I’ll say, “Do you have change for a hundred? No? Then I’ll have to owe you.” I’ll turn my back and leave that child to be spoken to like an adult, to learn how to make it in this cold world without any care about a load of “poopsy whoopsy” in its dungarees. Maybe the junkie will teach the baby the difference between its inside voice and its outside voice. I don’t know. I don’t care. I don’t care if the only thing the baby learns is which is its best vein, it’ll still be better off than being raised by the type of animals that use baby talk on kids.
By CHRIS NIERATKO (whoever that is)
By CHRIS NIERATKO (whoever that is)
Posted by Bizo at 11:50 AM
This is how they are advertised...
"Stamina Pillows: pillow cases you are advised to look at during coitus to prolong the coitus because they are even more disturbing than picturing your granny naked"
Someone commented that the second pillow looks like Kirk Cameron lickin on a sucker and it totally grossed me out!
Posted by Bizo at 11:37 AM
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Posted by Bizo at 11:47 AM
A Belgian teenager has told police how she emerged from a tattoo parlor with 56 stars over one side of her face, rather than the three she had asked for, prosecutors said on Tuesday.
"I said this part, the top, is ok, but not the rest," Kimberley Vlaeminck from the city of Kortrijk, 90 km (56 miles) northwest of Brussels, told Belgian broadcaster VRT.
The 18-year-old said she fell asleep during the procedure, and woke up in pain when her nose was being tattooed.
A spokesman for Kortrijk prosecutors' office said police were investigating after a complaint from the teenager.
The tattoo artist said Vlaeminck had agreed to 56 stars.
"She agreed, but when her father saw it, the trouble started," Belgian newspaper Het Laatste Nieuws quoted the man as saying.
Vlaeminck said she wanted to keep the tattoos on her forehead but would have the rest removed.
Posted by Bizo at 11:11 AM
BERLIN (Reuters) – A fox has been unmasked as the mystery thief of more than 100 shoes in the small western German town of Foehren, authorities said Friday.
A forest worker stumbled upon shoes strewn near the fox's den and found a trove of footwear down the hole which had recently been stolen overnight from outside locals' front doors.
"There was everything from ladies' shoes to trainers," said a local police spokesman. "We've found between 110 and 120 so far. It seems a vixen stole them for her cubs to play with."
Although many were missing laces, the shoes were in good condition and their owners were delighted to reclaim them, he said, adding that no reprisals were planned against the culprit.
I wish my mom would bring me home some shoes to play with.
Posted by Bizo at 11:00 AM
Monday, June 15, 2009
How it is that the one person on this planet with a more annoying voice than me is famous? He peddles his wears on as-seen-on-TV commercials (which happens to be one of my guilty pleasures) and has his own reality TV show (my ultimate goal). So explain to me why I am not as famous as this guy? I can scream and shout, I can make peoples ears bleed with my screaming... Why not me?
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I can't stand horse girls. They are weird and stupid and obsessed with one of the dumbest animals on earth! No, I don't want to see pictures of your horse. No I don't want to write in your horse diary. No I don't want to see your new Lisa Frank binder with a horse on it.
Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about people. If you didn't know a weird horse girl when you were little, you WERE the weird horse girl. Either that, or you were raised by wolves--horses biggest enemy.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Seattle Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master's degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken’s generous salary. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming BlackBerry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often “working” late. Available at all Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.
Bellevue Barbie: This limited edition princess Barbie is sold only at the Bellevue Square Nordstrom. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer H2 and a longhaired foreign lapdog named “Honey”. Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband Ken comes with a Porsche.
Tacoma Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many pawn shops.
Everett Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer Gut Ken out of Monroe Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss, and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at Army-Navy Surplus.
Lynnwood Barbie: This ghetto Barbie comes with ATTITUDE as well as your choice of two ensembles: apple bottom jeans and a tube top or XXXL FUBU sweats and a XXL white tee. Also included: Hair gel, Newports, Slurricaine, dark lip-liner and white lipstick, as well as extra large purse (the easier to steal with). Lynnwood Barbie also comes with a 95 civic, tricked out of course, as Thug Ken always needs a ride to other Barbie's house.
Monroe Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica T shirt and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after another one of his “episodes” with his boss’s daughter. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Fred Meyer.
Sultan Barbie: Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out PFD form. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Caddy are optional. Available at Red Apple.
Vashon Island Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.
Olympia Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to "experiment," but will never commit. This model is being phased out and is only available from the manufacturer.
Posted by Bizo at 11:54 AM