Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Here's a rundown of the most disturbing things he ever did:
1. Kept cardboard cutouts of the girl he was obsessed with in his closet, unbeknownst to said girl.
2. Got jealous of a close friend's athletic prowess and consequently convinced that friend he had a terminal illness that can only be cured by leaving everyone he loved and giving up the only life he's enjoyed.
3. Halted space and time just to say something to a camera that only he was aware of. (This seems to imply that he'd been secretly recording his life and the lives of others at all times for four years. Cameras in bedrooms, locker rooms, etc.)
5. Befriended school nerd but did not tell anyone why. Years later, he made out with the nerd's lifelong crush. It's called a long con.
6. After learning that his ancestors were Native American, he decided to honor his Native American mentor, who JUST DIED, by portraying Native Americans in the most stereotypical and racist way possible.
7. Regularly ruined the life of the man who stopped at nothing to see him succeed in both academics and as a contributing member of society.
8. Dated a homeless girl he met in the mall, giving the impression that he had integrity. The girl was never seen from or heard from again.
9. Dressed up as a woman in order to see girls changing.
10. Even in his wildest dreams, he fantasized about starting a band with his friends and achieving worldwide fame, only so he could abandon them and ruin their careers while he became a "Male Madonna."
That's it. I'm sure there's more, but this should get the dialogue going. Just look at this guy:
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
I am huge David Lynch fan. I try not to understand his work, but rather appreciate it. I cannot say I have yet grown to appreciate his commercial to promote his coffee line, "David Lynch Signature Cup Coffee". It’s a full four minutes of David Lynch having an imaginary convo with Barbie about coffee while almost squeezing her head off. This is serial killer territory. I am frightened. The Daily What
Saturday, May 7, 2011
The tattoo reads, "Good Luck William and Kate 28 of April 2011".
To bad the wedding was on the 29th. bummer for this guy.
- Hide lip zits, cold sores, and fine lines easily.
- No one will see that food on your face.
- Lipstick smudges gone forever and forget about reapplication.
- At the party everyone will refer to you as “the girl with the leopard lips.”
- Someone might think you have a disease or rare skin disorder.
- Kissing is strictly forbidden. Not cool.
- You may be mistaken for a drag queen.
- If eating is hindered in any way, forget it.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I just got done watching season the reunion from season 6. Let me tell you, gone are the days of the first season. Each season is filled with more and more farcical people. I mean does anyone like Char really exist? And Nikki can't be real either. There is no way that a female says "Bro" that many times without being a full blown bull dyke!
I believe it is safe to say that I have no problem watching this kind of trash weekly, and am really excited to each week. But I always walk away from each season a little disappointed. Will there ever be anyone as good as Rypsy? I miss her and her drunken antics. Please Bad Girls, can you be less worried about being the HBIC and instead go one a crazy drunken bender where you run into things and attack everyone in sight? Is that to hard to ask?
I just watched this video of Miley Cyrus covering smells like teen spirit. First of all, Miley Cyrus is simply terrible, ugh. Secondly Nirvana sucks... bad. Being from the grunge capital does not help, barf barf barf. I would rather listen to a million babies cry then any Nirvana CD ever released, but that's an whole notha story. More importantly, Smells Like Teen Spirit came out when I was fairly young. 1991 to be exact. 1991, when Miss Miley was (according to wikipedia) one year old. In the video she claims to sing this specific song because it inspired her to become what she is today.
Oh my god, I am so confused by all of this. Nirvana inspired Miley Cyrus at age one to become a Disney star turned tween slut with a T-Pain type voice box to make her (probably) not so great voice sound radio worthy? Makes perfect sense.