Dear Kelly Clarkson; You aren't cool anymore, so stop trying so hard.

Dear Kelly:

I know you are trying really hard to keep your career going strong, but you know what?  Everyone wants you to go away instead.  Let's admit it, you've put on a couple of pounds and your last few records haven't done so well.  You can only call yourself "The original American Idol" for so long.  You have no style and since you aren't going to rehab or showing your tits to everyone when your drunk, people don't care about you.

Tell you what Kelly, adopt a baby from a foreign country or develop a pill addiction and then I will reassess how I feel about you.

Love,

Liz

Thank you people magazine!!!!!!

Seems that Jimmy Fallon finally got his way - there is a Saved by the Bell Reunion. However, you can't always get everything you want and this time Fallon didn't. The big reunion actually took place as a large spread in the most recent PEOPLE magazine. The whole gang was there ready and willing to answer questions about where they've been, what they've done and who they've done it with. That is, all except Dustin Diamond, aka Screech. Seems after starring in his own sex tape and owing back taxes to the tune of $14,000 good old Screechie boy didn't want to make any kind of public appearance - especially in such a well-read magazine as PEOPLE. There's also a rumor going around that the rest of the crew wouldn't agree to pose for the spread if DD was involved. Which story do you believe?

Thanks Wal-Mart bakery

Some people that work here had a going away party the other day for a woman that is leaving.
One of the supervisors called a Walmart and ordered the cake. he told them to write: “best wishes Suzanne” and underneath that write “we will miss you”. here’s the cake that was delivered.

which condiment packet is your favorite?

go to this website to see them all!!!
condiment page<

not a dildo?

Do you have the same problem with your bananas as we do? You pack a banana for lunch, but the time you get to the office, it's banged up and bruised from the bumpy ride in your bag or briefcase. Well now you can protect your banana with the Banana Bunker!

Cakesicles

Cakesicles! now you can make your own popsicle-shaped mini cakes on sticks, thanks to Norpro's Cakesicle Pan, which accommodates 8 healthy sized cakes at a time. But the fun really begins after they're baked: they're super-fun to decorate; you can put frosting on all sides; and since they're on a stick, you can eat them while walking. No fork and plate holding you down.

wacky baby names:

1. Kal-el Coppola (Son of actor Nicolas Cage)

2. Audio Science (Son of actress Shannyn Sossaman)

3. Bluebell Madonna (Daughter of Singer Geri Halliwell)

4. Daisy Boo (Daughter of chef Jamie Oliver)

5. Pilot Inspektor (Son of actress Beth Riesgraf and actor Jason Lee)

6. Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily (Daughter of television presenter Paula Yates and Singer Michael Hutchence)

7. Dixie Dot (Daughter of television presenter Anna Ryder Richardson)

8. God'Iss Love Stone (Daughter of Singer Lil'Mo)

9. Jermajesty (Son of Singer Jermaine Jackson)

10. Apple (Daughter of actress Gwyneth Paltrow and singer Chris Martin)

Dear drunk me while texting: your awesome!!!

me Abe Liz raced past a car spree speed checker. And I can in 12 miles per hour and Liz can only 8.

We need to get our nails done ASAP!!!

food art, makes me happy and hungry

Dear Tongue Rings: It's not 1992 anymore

AHHHH!! Now that is 2009 all tongue rings should be extinct. Just because you went through that rebellious teen phase and pierced your tongue at 17 to piss your mom off, does not make it acceptable to now be 30 and still have it pierced. I HATE it!!! It is so gross and makes you look so stupid... And gay! and fine if your gay that's cool, but I don't want to know you if your gay and have a pierced tongue. It wasn't cool 5 years ago, it wasn't even cool 10 years ago when people said it was cool. If you have your tongue pierced, please take it out now. You look fucking retarded. No one gives a shit that your tongue ring is white gold, or glows in black light, or has an dope 8 ball on the end up it. In fact that just gives people like Liz and I more reason to wish you would die. Unless your tongue ring spills vodka into your mouth once an hour or cures cancer I don't want to know you.

As if the movie didn't suck enough...

Now they created even more crap I don't want to see!

Why?

I get it.  Titanic was a huge blockbuster hit.  But who has seen it more than once?  Who really even liked it?  Now they are making it 3-D.  Why?  I am sorry but I think this is a stupid idea and I hope no one goes to see it.

Sorry Titanic, but my heart will not go on forever for you!

I'm starving

and I really wish I had this delicious Rubik's Cube Sandwich!!! yum.

How old is she??

I always thought Lindsey was somewhere near my age. but yo, she looks more like she is closer to my moms age lately. what the hell happened to her? Apparently cocaine and lesbianism cause you to age 5 times faster then normal??? barf.

and...um...so...like...um...yeah

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

if you haven't already seen it

My day...

I am the only one at work. All of the doctors are onvacation and I am here answering the phones and dealing with morons. There is a HUGE sign on the door saying we are closed and to come back Monday. Does that stop anyone, no they waltz on in and ask stupid questions.

Customer walks in

Me: Hi how are today?

Customer: Good, is Bill Jr. in today?

Me: (thinking in my head, didn't you see the giant sign when you walked in?) No all three doctors are on vacation, Robb will be back on Monday, and Bill Sr. and Bill Jr. won't be back until Wednesday.

Customer: Oh, Bill Jr.'s not here? What about Robb?

Me: No, he'll be back on Monday.

Customer: Oh, so what doctor is in today?

Me: No one, just me.

Customer: So I can't be seen today?

Me: Nope, Monday is the first day you can be seen

Customer: What about tommorow?

Me: No, Monday.

Customer leaves. Reapeat this exact same situation about 3 more times in person and about 30 over the phone and you have my day.

I also peed with the bathroom door open at work just for fun!

R.I.P. you stupid dog

Gidget, the former Taco Bell spokes dog dies at age 15.

Happy birthday Dane!

Here's a really cool cake that I wish I had for Dane's birthday.

feel like sending someone dog poop???

Don't get mad, get even! Send poop to someone today! Are you looking for the best prank joke gag gift? Have us mail poop to someone you dont like. Your victim will have no clue who sent it to you. Completely anonymous! Send poop to someone you dont like or just a friend for fun!
check the link here

These are really what I need for my birthday!

I have wanted ANY pair of Christian Louboutin shoes for years.  I would settle for a fake pair since I don't have hundreds of extra dollars laying around.

Liz your getting a Ghetto Basket for your birthday

You never know exactly what each Ghetto Basket will include. It all depends on our shaky contacts and what falls off of trucks around the neighborhood. But it might have:

Hot Sauce
Pregnancy Test
Grape Drink
Batteries
Beef Jerky
Potted Meat
Pork Rinds
Noodles in a Cup
After Shave
Plastic Commemorative Plate
Religious Candle
Porcelain Figurine
Kung-Fu DVD
Cassette or VHS Tape
Doo Rag
Vapor Rub
Energy Drank
Soap
Outdated Calendar
this is actually a real thing
check out the site here:
Ghetto Basket Site

Carmen Sandiego Has Been Found!

It was only a matter of time. Carmen Sandiego has grown old and reckless. She’s been spotted sitting in a train station, sporting her trademark red hat and jacket. I guess now, we can all stop asking the question, “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?”

When did this happen?

Recognize these child stars?  Since when did they get so hot?  When did Al from step by step get boobs?  When did what's her face from Mighty Ducks become beautiful?  And Why didn't I know DJ from Full House was on a new sitcom?  I feel out of the loop!

I'm ready for April Fool's day

I don't know whats more aweosme, the fact that this girl filmed her dad taking a shit... or that dad is on the phone while pooing... who does that??

Dear Mischa Barton: Buy a tooth brush

I have hated Mischa Barton since she left the O.C. and apparently she check herself into the psych ward this week... Hey dummy, no one cares. The only reason I posted this is because her teeth make me want to throw up.

The economy is so bad, even Ronald lost his job

My post secret, haaaa

need a realtor?

It's totally a legitiamite yahoo question?

A good gesture gone bad...

I was looking at fmylife.com and this made me smile. 

Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML

Dear Liz:

I miss you.

-Bizo

bummer...

While on my way to Love Zone, I ran this red light...
and was mailed a ticket.

Cities With the Most Job Postings Per Capita

How did Seattle make number 6, and I work at a fucking movie theater???
Check it out here: job trends
If someone is reading this who said they would move to Seattle and then changed their mind... well then I bet that person feels pretty dumb right about now.
HELLO!!! Seattle came in 6th place!!!
haahaaaaaa

Dear Ashton Kutcher, You're Gay!

Dear Ashton,

I am just writing this letter to let you know you aren't as cool as you think you are.  Trucker hats are over and done with, the same as your wife's old wrinkly vagina!  It used to be cool to score an older chick, but not when they are in there seventies.  No one wants to hear what you ate for breakfast on Twitter.  I know you have a lot of time on your hands since you haven't made a decent movie, well, ever.  Why don't you just use your extra time to crawl in a hole and die.

Sincerely, 

Biz and Liz

I knew, I knew the Party Down people

Casey was Janis on Mean Girls.
Henry was Griffin "Griff" Hawkins on Boy meets world (the bully)
Ron Donald was the doctor Lauren dated on a few episodes of What I like about you. He was a huge idiot but she really wanted to date a 'doctor'. Liz, I know you remeber.

A few interesting fetishes I found thanks to google

Catoptrophilia — Unusual titillation in the presence of mirrors.

Macrophilia — The attraction to giants, especially domination by giant women.

Pogonophilia — The fixation on bearded men.

Chremastistophilia — Excitement at being robbed or held up.

Agalmatophilia — The arousal by statues, mannequins, dolls and effigies.

Acrotomophilia/Apotemnophilia — Attraction to amputees and the fascination with being an amputee.

Formicophilia — Obsession with very small creatures — like insects, for example.

Vorarephilia - This is arousal by the thought of being eaten by someone, eating someone else, or watching someone eat somebody else. It is called "vore" for short

Teratophilia - The sexual attraction to deformed or monstrous people.

Necrophilia - A sexual attraction to human corpses.

Zipper Dress?

It looks painfully awesome, and I'm pretty sure I need it.

I wanna see this

Mostly because Rza is in it. But I like all these funny people
and I'm super gay.

Come party with meeee

Ed note:

Why does Tori Spelling's son wear a purse...
homo.

I don't believe in Tori Spelling

I have always hated Tori Spelling and prefer to think that she doesn't exist.  I can not, however, ignore her bad life choices any longer!  Why does she think her shoes are okay?  The are not okay they are ugly and stupid and not okay unless it is Halloween and you are dressing up like Pocahantas!  

If only I had a WTF stamp in real life.  I would smash her face with it!  

Dear Mad Rad:

Why the fuck is there no flyer yet for the the show at The Jet in Mill Creek??
How are we supposed to rep our city....
shiiiit.

Love Biz and Liz

I want this

Boy Crazy!

Here they are everybody!  The boy crazy trading cards.  They look a bit dated and I remember them being cooler back in the day, but I still think Jamal is smoking hot!  Hey, wasn't he on ghost writer on PBS?

That sounds humid!

Who was in charge of this caption?

Of course I was bored and I google searched drunk people.  The actual caption on this one was "sexy drunk girl!"  Now you tell me, what part of this girl is sexy? 

Dear Kristen Stewart, your ugly.

I hate Kristen Stewart, and just because she did some shitty acting in Twilight, I feel like she is freaking everywhere!!! I hate it. And why, oh why is she playing Joan Jett??? God, she is ugly.

Jay as a baby

I just got a $200 ticket

but I died so I hope I don't have to pay...
what the fuck?

would you let Dane play this game?

I didn't know god was such a dick